Chocopup
by Novelist Pup
Summary: [AU, OOC] My dog has been eating an alarming amount of chocolate, and I thought that maybe I should get this checked out. [CRACK!fic]


**Chocopup**

No reason, except Death Note completely pwns my mind now.

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

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'_IF YOU DO NOT LET ME OUT OF THIS DAMNED _THING_ RIGHT NOW, I WILL BITE YOUR FUCKING FINGERS OFF WHEN YOU LET ME OUT LATER!_' Mello snarled from the inside of his kennel. His human, Matt, shushed him.

"Quiet Mello, I'm trying to fill out this form!" he snapped. Unfortunately, Mello didn't understand a word he said, and kept snarling and barking.

'_Release me!_' the golden-retriever mix growled. And then he began pawing at the metal bars of the kennel door.

_CHING. CHING. CHING. CHING CHING CHING CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING!_

Mello almost smiled in victory as he heard Matt groan in annoyance. His tail began wagging slowly and a gleam came into his eye as Matt began to shuffle around.

But then, a bar of heaven was shoved in front of the kennel cage.

'_You…you cruel human!_'

Mello began to whine and calm down as the heavenly bar was waved in front of the cage tauntingly. He bet the damn human was doing something mocking and mean right now, like laughing!

---

Mello wasn't too far off the mark.

Matt chuckled in amusement as Mello calmed down a ton, deciding to whine instead of banging the kennel door or growling. All for a bar of chocolate. Which reminded him, he was at the vet for a reason.

"Name?" the gum-snapping blond nurse at the front desk asked. On closer investigation, Matt saw that her nametag said 'Misa'.

"Uh, Mail Jeevas." He said. Misa rolled her eyes.

"And your mutt's name?" Matt twitched. Why would she roll her eyes when she just told him to tell her Mello's name?

And calling his Mello a _mutt_? Matt narrowed his eyes from behind his orange-tinted white glasses. She's lucky that he's such a _nice guy_, for him to not sic the "mutt" on her.

"Mello." Matt finally answered with a smile. The nurse looked from him to the kennel.

"Problem?" And this is the part where it all gets awkward.

"Well, my dog has been eating an alarming amount of chocolate on a daily basis, and my roommate told me that chocolate killed dogs. I thought that maybe I should get him checked out," Matt explained. The gum actually fell out of Misa's mouth as she stared at him, gaping like a fish.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you?! Oh my God, you horrible, _horrible_ person! And you just put a bar of chocolate in front of your dog to make him calm down?! You sick bastard!"

Now Matt felt like a bad person. A really, _really_ bad person. Misa had picked up the phone on her desk and was now dialing at an impossible speed.

"Doctor Yagami, we've got a code Complete DUMBASS here, I repeat, code Complete _DUMBASS_!" Misa exclaimed. Matt looked down in shame and picked up the chocolate bar that was in front of Mello's kennel.

"Doctor Yagami will see you now. Just go through the door on your right," Misa said sweetly, holding a hand out towards the door. Matt smiled at her and nodded, picking up Mello's kennel with difficulty, since he _was_ a half-grown dog.

----

It was happening.

Mello watched in devastation as his human picked up the bar of heaven and began to lift up the damned cage. Mello attempted to stay still, but the rocking of the kennel made his body keep hitting the confounded walls. They entered another room, where a human and another dogs was.

'_RELEASE ME!!!_' Mello whined as the dog looked at him oddly. It was kind of embarrassing to be in a kennel, it really was.

----

"Uh, I'm sorry if I caught you at an inconvenient time, but-" Matt began, but Doctor Yagami stopped him. The handsome doctor shook his head and smiled at him.

"It's just fine. Do I need to put dear doggy to sleep?" Doctor Yagami said with a bright and slightly creepy smile. Matt felt his eyelid twitch.

"No, I just need for you to give him a check-up. I didn't know that feeding dogs chocolate was dangerous until recently." Matt explained. Doctor Yagami chuckled.

"Well, if it was just a bite and milk-chocolate, then he should be just fine!" he said. Matt laughed nervously.

"Um, it was dark chocolate and he eats no less than three bars each day, for two months now." Doctor Yagami's eyes widened and he grinned.

"Are you sure I can't put him to sleep?"

"_Positive!_"

"Hm. Well, let me see him, if I may?" Matt gulped and scratched his burgundy-colored hair.

"Uh, that might not be too safe, Doctor…" The brown-haired man frowned.

"Just open the kennel door, I'll be fine."

Matt smiled uneasily. "If you say so." And he opened the kennel door.

----

Mello watched in happiness as the cage's door opened, and wagged his tail.

And then he realized he was supposed to be pissed.

'_FUCK Y'ALL AND THIS POPSICLE STAND!'_ Mello snarled as he practically flew out the cage, ready to sink his teeth into the nearest human. And the human wasn't Matt, but good enough.

'_STOP!'_ the other dog barked at him. Mello halted and looked at the dog incredulously.

'_Who the hell are _you' Mello growled. The other dog stared at him with determined black eyes.

This, by the way, didn't answer his question.

----

"Good boy Mikami, good boy," Doctor Yagami cooed as he pet the head of a large black dog with very pretty fur. Matt looked nervously as Doctor Yagami turned to him.

"I am _so_ sorry about that! I swear, I had no idea he was going to assault you!" Lie. Big fat lie, Matt noticed. Of _course_ Mello was going to attack him! He was right in front of the cage.

Doctor Yagami smiled. "No harm done. That's why Mikami is here. He protects me from more volatile animals, like yours. Now, can you get your dog on the table for me?" Matt gulped. Walking slowly towards Mello, who was staring at Mikami in curiosity, he reached out, grabbed Mello by the torso area quickly and dropped him on the table before he could get a bite in.

The veterinarian honed in on him immediately.

"Hmm, beautiful golden fur, long fringes, and unique dark eyes I must say, and he looks to be completely healthy," he mused. Matt looked hopeful, while Mello just looked annoyed.

"Will Mello be okay?" the burgundy-haired man asked. Doctor Yagami chuckled.

"Well, if he's been eating dark chocolate for two months and he's still standing, then he must have gained some sort of immunity for chocolate," he explained. Matt sighed in relief and scratched between Mello's ears.

"Did you hear that, Miheal? Near's just a big dummy, you're going to be just fine!" he cooed. Mello stared at him evilly and Matt patted his head with a laugh.

"Well, let's go home! Come Mello!" he exclaimed jovially. Mello hopped off the table and eyed the kennel evilly. Matt chuckled, picking up the much lighter kennel and patting his dog's head happily.

"Nope, no kennel for you, so let's go!"

Matt and Mello trotted out the vet happily (on Matt's part), wondering why was Doctor Yagami laughing evilly as they left.

Matt got to his car, opened the passenger-side door for Mello, and got in on the driver's side when Mello was in. He then drove off into the sunset.

Lighting a cigarette, Mello reached into his furred vest pocket and pulled out the chocolate bar from before.

"Here, have some chocolate," he said with the cigarette between his lips.

----

Was this bastard human actually _giving_ him his heavenly bar after all that taunting and mocking?

It was too good to be true.

Matt removed the wrapper and gave Mello the bar. The golden-retriever mix sunk his teeth into the bar, savoring it while he can. His heart beats faster and faster, but hell, the heavenly bar is so freaking good that Mello doesn't care.

----

Mello fell over.

Matt screeched the car to a stop in the middle of the street.

"Mello? Are you okay?" Matt asked tentatively. Mello…didn't answer. Matt put his hand over his best friend's chest area and gasped as he felt nothing.

"MELLO!" Matt wailed, holding his dog close to him.

And somewhere seven to eight blocks down, a brown-haired vet was petting his dog and cackling evilly.

**END**

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I suck so hard for this.

This is the _second time_ where the dog dies!

FLAME AWAY! I deserve it!


End file.
